Let me tell you about the day I walked into an auto parts store with one simple goal: windshield wipers. That’s it. Nothing dramatic.
I asked the guy at the register if he could step outside and check whether I actually needed new wipers. Instead of getting up, he started firing off questions—like we were playing Windshield Wipers: The Interrogation Edition—rather than doing the obvious thing: looking at my car or walking me to the aisle.
So I asked again—politely—if he could at least walk the short distance to my car and use his expertise.
Nope.
Instead, he handed me off to another employee and went right back to an animated discussion about who ate his food out of the refrigerator. Laughing. Joking. Carrying on. In an otherwise empty store.
It felt like one of those movies where the main character slowly fades into the background. I swear—I felt myself shrink right into the woodwork.
The woman assigned to “help” me took her time putting on her coat, sighed heavily, and followed me outside as if I had personally inconvenienced her. When we reached my car, she spoke to me in a tone that said, Why are you even here? Why are you breathing near me?
I wrapped things up quickly and left.
And here’s the part that really stayed with me.
This 65-year-old woman—with healthy self-esteem, life experience, and confidence—felt small. Insignificant. As if I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s time.
Naturally, I asked myself the questions so many women ask:
Was it me?
Was it her?
Was it age intolerance?
Was it because I’m Black? No—the man behind the desk was Black.
Was it because I’m a woman? No—the person assisting me was a woman.
So what was it?
As we age, insecurities don’t disappear—they simply shift. We begin questioning our relevance, our appearance, and our place in the world. Moments like this don’t create those doubts, but they certainly add fuel to a fire many of us work hard to keep under control.
Nothing makes me more unhappy with myself than allowing self-doubt to take up space in my head.
So, like every defining moment in my life, I asked myself: What do I do now?
First, I accepted a hard truth: just like racism, ageism is alive, well, and thriving.
Second—and this matters—I made a decision.
I will not allow people who don’t show me love to affect the way I love myself.
No, I will never be younger than I am right now.
But I can love myself all the way through this season—confidently, intentionally, and unapologetically.
Affirmations to Carry With You
- I am worthy of respect in every space I enter.
- I do not shrink to make others comfortable.
- My presence has value—whether it is acknowledged or not.
- I choose self-love over self-doubt.
Sometimes, you may need to speak up. If the moment calls for it, here are a few lighthearted responses you can keep in your back pocket:
- “Excuse me… am I standing in the invisible section?”
- “Can you hurry and help me? I am in the witness protection program and may need to exit quickly.”
- “I just took my medicine, so it would be great if you helped me before things get interesting.”
- “Quick question—does this store have a three-day waiting period before acknowledging customers?”
And sometimes, the most powerful response is silence.
You take your dignity.
You protect your peace.
And you keep it moving.
Because self-love is knowing who you are.
Self-care is protecting that truth.
And being seen begins with seeing yourself.
Keep it moving, Sis.
